Bill Burr Reviews Impressions of Himself

Who likes to see an impression of themselves?

[laughing]

It's like you can't just go around calling people fat.

I wish I was still that animated,

I'd get rid of this [censored] covid weight.

Hey, Vanity Fair peoples, I'm Bill Burr,

and today I'm going to be watching people

doing impressions of me.

It's glued. It's glued

to the back of his head.

Bill Burr. It's early Bill Burr.

You do these easy impressions,

you know, you do your thing, you do them easy.

You know, they're easy to do, it's not hard.

You know, do somebody else,

somebody hard, somebody from Boston.

You know?

Do Burr!

It's too much New York in that one.

[laughing]

Oh no, he is got like the cadence,

but he still has the, Oh!.

They're easy to do.

Now I gotta like shit on another comedian.

You know, it's better than I could do

an impression of him, how about that?

That impression is me if I grew up in like

New York, like Queens or something,

like, Hey, hey. Fucking standing there.

You know, the guys a little bit of that.

Jay should get on with his life.

There's no money in him doing an impression of me.

I would move on to Ben Affleck

or somebody a little better known.

Okay, Shut the fuck up.

Sit down. Okay.

Alright. All right, look.

Okay. All right, look.

All right, you know, I'm not trying to be a dick. Okay?

I can hear [indistinct].

[laughing]

It's too fucking expensive to live here, you know?

Everyone wants to live off,

I wanna live off the L train, you know?

Wow. That guy takes it, man.

That was amazing.

I tell you what, it's weird of me out

people with hair doing it and they're skinny and shit

and I feel like I'm watching one of my old VHS tapes.

That guy is amazing.

I feel like in five years

the L train's just gonna go across country,

you know? Just so people can say they live..

Yeah, I live off the L train.

I'm off the Wilmington, Delaware stop you know?

[laughing]

Oh, it's brutal. It's fucking brutal!

Yeah, he had the whole thing.

He's doing me in like 2004, 2007.

I think I used to own that shirt.

I mean, he did the whole thing. Right?

I used to have it unbuttoned a little more,

back when I was single, you know?

Trying to attract people with my alabaster freckled chest.

[laughing]

That didn't work out for me.

No, that was amazing. Very talented.

I don't ever want to see those again.

I don't wanna be in my head about what it is that I...

I know I lean on the mic stand.

What I'm doing is working for me,

I don't need these people to be pulling it apart, you know?

Take one thread out and then that's it.

Then all of a sudden I care about people. Right?

[Producer] Imitation is the best form of flattery, no?

No. Depends on how it's done.

None of these impressions so far

have me depicted as particularly intelligent,

I can tell you that.

[laughing]

It's me, ah, ah, eh.

Hm. What the fuck?

The Republicans are like,

How did 81 million people vote for Biden?

It's like they didn't vote for Biden, all right?

They voted against Trump.

No, it's like they hated him, you know?

Nah, it's like they hated him

more than like a child molester.

You know? I've never seen anything like it, you know?

Then me ask them why,

you know, like, why do you hate Trump?

It's like, Ah, I think he,

somebody told me that he called Rosie O'Donnell fat.

[laughing]

Yeah, that's fantastic.

These people, they're doing a really good job.

I just was watching the mannerism.

It was really just, this guy and the last guy,

they just, I started remembering gigs

where I recorded myself and would go back,

'cause, you know, making a tape,

trying to get like a agent or something like that.

And during this period of my career,

I couldn't watch myself.

I'm like, What am I doing?

Why am I moving around like that.

That, what he's doing there,

that was all like nervous energy, frustration

with where my career was at and all of this other stuff.

So, yeah. Wow.

These are all like Bill Burr fine wine.

[laughing]

That's a Bill Burr 2004 right there.

Oh God. You know, you're saying all these,

these kind things to me, man.

Now I gotta, now I gotta be nice to you.

That's a high pitch. That's well...

Like a soprano- It's because

it's early Bill Burr.

It's early Bill Burr.

You gotta know.

It's really good. You gotta know.

Yeah, that must have been really, really,

really, really early on.

Yeah, Marina's been breaking my balls for years.

So that was actually a lot nicer

than I thought it was gonna be.

[laughing]

I would add a little hopelessness,

but the euphoria that comes when you just don't care.

When the hell did we meet? Like 99, 2000.

So I think that just got burned into her brain.

So this is like wild, it's like watching my,

like I said, my old standup tapes, which I don't do,

but like, if I were to do that.

These are all very good. Marina did a great job.

Oh dude, fuck it, this guy.

Jay Pharoah, love that guy. [laughing]

This fucking guy, he's- Pharoah.

Fucking Pharoah. His fucking beanie's

hanging off his head

like he's the summer winter for this guy.

How the fuck does it stay on?

Yeah, yeah. What the fuck, is it glue?

Is it Gorilla Glue?

What's he doing? It's glue.

It's glue. It's glue! It's glued

to the back of his head.

[laughing]

Well I mean, with the face swap, that was pretty wild.

Yeah I mean, that was pretty good. You know?

I have a choppy cadence, I guess.

Summer, winter for this guy.

This is why I didn't wanna do this shit,

'cause I don't wanna know what it is that I do.

I mean, I think that was the clean version of it,

that sounded like young me,

as opposed to beaten down by life that you now see,

which is why I'm wearing my happy blue sweater

to try to offset where I am mentally right now.

I mean, I don't really listen to myself.

It's not like I watch...

I think, no, it sounded good to me.

I think. I mean, I was too weirded out

by the fact that my face was on his face.

Yeah, it was like, I used to have hair.

Oh shit, is he my AI replacement?

[laughing]

AI Andrew Santino was gonna come kill me one night.

The Illuminati liked you better when you had hair,

and then that'll be the end of me.

But that'll be good,

'cause I won't have to go to LAX anymore. Fantastic.

I'm gonna leave my doors unlocked tonight.

We could get off of it.

Bro, nobody gives a fuck. This is podcast me.

Fucking Cordyceps, I barely eat mushrooms as is.

There you go.

See now that makes me feel like he listens to my podcast.

I mean, you want to talk on a podcast

about something else. Everybody's

just losing their mind.

Yeah. That was a good one.

Well he did say talk,

so he got a little New York in there.

I got a lot of New York guys doing impressions of me.

That's pretty cool.

What I liked about this one

is I feel like he was doing, not me doing standup,

he was doing the podcast

where it's just more like you're hanging out

and I'm just like talking

and you're listening for whatever reason,

getting through your cardio

or some awful Southwest flight,

whatever the hell it is you're doing.

That's almost cigar, smoking a cigar with me.

I slouch down the seat like that,

I'm like, Yeah, yeah, it's all bullshit.

All these fucking people out here.

What are you gonna do?. [laughing]

Acting like I'm saying something when I'm not.

Yeah, that was a great one.

I thought this was gonna be a lot more painful.

I'm enjoying this. I was just like, you know,

thought the self-loathing was gonna come up,

but they're actually, these are really funny.

This is your whole act.

Albert Einstein's a genius.

What do you think, Bill?

Um, I don't, is he, is he? Really?

He couldn't even get a decent haircut. What's that?

His mustache, he couldn't trim it.

The guy who had...

He was just, you know,

how'd you come up with your stuff, Albert?.

That's one of my favorite people

I have met since I got in this business.

I love Jon Lovitz. He's old school, old school guy,

like, I can't argue anything that he's saying about my act.

If there weren't so many ass holes in the world,

what would be a great show

would be our phone conversations and our text messages

because that podcast,

which I highly recommend you check out,

'cause Jon was on fire that day trashing me,

it is nowhere near what we do on the phone.

[Producer] You liked Jon's impression of you?

Is that your favorite? I can't pick favorites here,

I gotta run into all these people down at the club,

you're gonna create all this drama.

I liked, for different reasons,

I love Jon because,

you know, he just, he gets like right to it,

he's like a surgeon

and he just goes right for the nerve.

So I like him, 'cause he was being funny,

but he is also really trying to trash me, so.

And he's also a legend, so I love that one.

I love Marina's, 'cause I know her from way back in the day.

Andrew Santino, as far as creepy factor

with the face swap was incredible.

The one kid who came out with the shirt.

I mean, I liked them all, they were really good.

I'm flattered that people that funny

have listened to me enough,

taken the time to listen to whatever it's I'm doing

that they can do an impression.

All right, I just want to thank all the amazing comedians

that took time out of their

busy schedules [upbeat music]

to do an impression of me.

I'm very flattered, y'all did a great job

and now I hate myself even more.

Thank you. Thank you Vanity Fair.

I wore a sweater for you guys

to feel even worse about myself.

[upbeat music ends]